Withered
by aLc
Summary: He found himself wilting under the spotlight, and hoping that one day he could just fade away... [KxA]


All right here is my new story. For those of you following Gentle Memento, it has been discontinued (see my profile for further information). Although Gentle Memento will no longer be updated, the stories within will be continued. I pretty much decided to do independent stories so I could have more focus on one relationship. The beginning of this story would have been the next chapter in GM. 

Disclaimer: I don't own…woo woo

**Withered**

Chapter 1 - _Sun Soaked Detour_

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Some people come to learn that not all legends are hoaxes created from drunken banter late at night in some run down bar. They find that some tales are very real, whether bad or good. But when you are the so-called 'legend', how do you go about life? Are you supposed to live up to the name given, or try to live as yourself? Why should a man even need to contemplate such a question? Then again, why should anyone be ordered to kill? Was it so that someone could feel like they were in control of a situation? No, it was merely a power struggle. Under all that sugarcoated bullshit, the truth could be hard to find sometimes.

Gods, how many times had he been baptized in blood? How many men, women, and children had he destroyed? Why the hell did he have to think about those questions now?

'Anbu' he though sourly while starring ahead at nothing. Yes, that's what he was, just another Anbu.

Just another murderer…

But wait, he could not be counted as normal anymore could he? He was a demon now, more monster than man. Smiling sadly, he absently wondered what his mentor would think of him now…

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"Guh…" the typical morning person sound. Turning over onto his back, the great Hatake Kakashi let out a murmur of baby talk before trying to drift into dream land once more. But alas, today would find him getting no extra beauty rest. Stretching with all the grace of a tired lumberjack, he yawned deeply. This routine signaled the start of a grand new day!

'Sarcasm.' He mused to himself.

Crawling out of his disheveled bed, he inched his way toward the bathroom across the hall. Stepping into the shower before turning on the water, he was momentarily shocked as fresh, cold as ice; water pelted his skin for all of a good few seconds. Steadily being replaced by warmer water, the jolt was all that was needed to fully wake him. Grabbing his toothbrush he began his daily, multitasked, cleansing regiment.

Sighing in contentment as the now hot water fell across him, relaxing his muscles, he began to brush his teeth while cleaning himself. After thoroughly scrubbing whatever he had missed yesterday, and what might have gathered on him last night, off he soaked a bit longer before turning off the faucet.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, he idly began fluffing his hair dry. Catching a glimpse of himself in his medicine cabinet mirror, he let the towel he was holding rest across the back his neck as he studied himself.

He knew he came across as an arrogant, egotistical person most of the time, but in truth he wasn't. It was all just a show for those who cared to watch. An amusement to those looking for something that only a haughty, know-it-all (such as he acted to be) could bring. That's not to say he wasn't really a bit conceited, just in all seriousness he wasn't _that_ bad.

But even he caught himself gawking at the naked face that stared back at him. Perfection, being the only term that could come to mind. Shivering a bit, perhaps from the draft or not, he amended his previous statement out loud while gently tracing a line down the left side of his face.

"No…never perfect."

Even to this day, after having had it for so long, it still gave him the creeps. Having to look at it like this, and finding himself comparing it with his other. To look at the scar, and focus on the strange pressure always present behind it. Quickly shutting his eyes, he took a few deep breaths to help stable his mind.

Letting a puff of air out as a small sign of annoyance; he lingered starring at the mirror for just a bit longer before deciding to forage for food. Moving at his usual crawl, he made it to the kitchen in less than record time. Scrounging through his near empty refrigerator he came across some…decent looking leftovers.

Leftover from when was not an important question at the moment.

Taking a quick bite to find out if heating it was necessary, he quickly discovered that yes, yes it was indeed necessary to warm whatever the hell he was eating. He absently reminded himself that this was the food Tsunade-sama had sent him…

A couple of weeks ago…

Throwing it into the microwave for a short bit seemed to solve the problem. It still tasted bad, but at least now it was warm. Which made it…just a bit better?

Giving up trying to decide if even heating it was worth it, his attention was soon drawn toward his front door. His small kitchen being open to his living room gave him clear view of said door. Soon after gaining his scrutiny, there was a strong and defined knock.

Setting his oh so delectable breakfast down, he called out in a girlish type voice "Just a moment, I'm indecent!" On the other side of the door he could audibly hear a snort of laughter followed by a familiar, mumbled, voice.

Mumbled most likely because of a cigarette.

"Oi! Kakashi-chan, I don't mind!" this was followed by a massive amount of laughter.

Asuma could really crack himself up sometimes.

Quickly fetching his head protector and mask, he shifted his headband over his left eye and opened the door. Clad only in his towel, he watched as Asuma sputtered for a bit before yelling at him to go get 'decent'. Smiling widely under his mask, Kakashi mimicked his girly voice from earlier with a whine, "But Asuma-kun, you said you wouldn't mind!"

Quickly pushing Kakashi aside, with mumbles of death threats to him if anyone saw what just transpired, Asuma went and made himself comfortable on the couch while his cohort got dressed.

"So what brings you here at this hour Asuma?" deciding to get an early start on the upcoming conversation, Kakashi called out from his bedroom while dressing himself.

"I heard you were on leave, is it true?"

Shuffling himself into his black pants while digging around for a clean shirt, he responded, "Yeah, I have a one week rest." Sadly he came to the conclusion that laundry needed to be done, "Why do you ask?"

He heard the distinct sound of Asuma laughing merrily while he decided which shirt was less dirty. Sniffing the three cleanest, he sighed as he picked one and threw the rest into a hamper. Choosing the lesser of three evils was such an annoying task.

"Curse laundry, and my luck."

"I'm on the second day of my own break." Asuma's deep voice called back, "Every Jounin currently on leave wants to have a little get together tonight." He heard the man get out of his seat and walk around as he finished putting on his flak jacket. Leaving his bedroom he noticed Asuma poking at his breakfast with a rather quizzical and somewhat disgusted look.

"You know…all the energy used later on in the day is based off the energy stored from breakfast right?" the man had one eyebrow cocked questioningly high in the air. Apparently Asuma found breakfast incredibly important.

For someone who smokes as much as he does, his knowledge of healthy daily choices only came across as hypocritical. Kakashi found his response was as intelligent as his apparent concern on the subject.

"So?"

Asuma's other brow rose to meet its twin, "You really are quite the bachelor aren't you?" as the comment left Asuma's mouth, his eyebrows lowered and a silly grin appeared on his face.

"And don't you forget it, _Asuma-kun_." Without a girly voice this time, Kakashi took his breakfast back and went to sit down. "Besides, we all can't have a Kurenai to look after us," the grin he tried to hold back could not be stopped, "now can we?"

Asuma's cigarette nearly fell out of his mouth at the comment; obviously flabbergasted he tried to respond.

"Wa…wa..wa!"

"What?" Kakashi said innocently, with a wide grin.

"Wait a minute here Kakashi!" seeing the embarrassed look on his fellow Jounin caused Kakashi to chuckle once more. Mumbling to himself, Asuma seemed to realize he was goaded into a trap. Acting as the bigger man (since obviously Kakashi wasn't) he chose to walk away.

"So you in or not Kakashi?"

Thinking it through, the masked man figured he could use it as an excuse to drink. Quickly agreeing and ushering a rather surprised Asuma out, Kakashi made his way back to his room to pick up a few last items for the day (his wallet and questionable reading material). Grabbing the dirty laundry while in his room, he went and dumped it in the machine seemingly without a care.

Grabbing his key from a stand near the door, he decided to do what he did everyday in the morning.

Travel the road called life.

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The metaphorical road that was life was often something that brought peace to the copy ninja. He was once told, that the belief that life was just one long open road that one merely had to travel down, helped push away nagging thoughts that typically slowed others down. It allowed them to keep moving, both physically and mentally.

Sometimes, however, he found that even with this little philosophy, it was near impossible to push forward in either category. These instances were typically called his "bad days" because the cliché title was just so magnificent in its simplicity.

And they really were just _bad_ days.

But just like any road, there were bound to be detours, and rest areas, and shortcuts, and…other road things. So here was the part of the philosophy Kakashi liked to ignore. Mainly because everything listed had a habit of being highly annoying. Not just in a sense that they kept you from continuing forward, but because they were really irritating!

Now here he was causally reading his favorite work of fine literature, having expected a day of solitary leisure, but instead he found himself right in front of a chamber, which currently contained the leader of Konoha.

That on top of the fact he was currently frightful of his breakfast not settling right.

Lowering his book below his chin, he smiled casually at the two guards on duty. The older man to his right smiled in a false, forced way as to not seem rude, while the woman to his left returned it with quite a bit of enthusiasm. Now that he acknowledged them, he could feel less like a jerk when paying absolutely no attention to them.

'Cynical bastard.'

Raising his favorite pastime as to begin reading it he was alarmed when his sense of danger flared. Something was amiss, and very soon he was likely to be in quite a bit of pain and agony. Pure torture was definitely on the way if he didn't get out!

"Come on in Kakashi!" came an all too familiar voice, and sadly it wasn't Asuma's.

Smiling at both the guards one last time, while tucking away his daily reading, he started his slow crawl forward through the newly open doors. There behind the stacks of scrolls piled high on an oak desk, seemingly working diligently was the most powerful person in all Konoha.

And one of the only people left, that he could consider family.

Without raising her eyes from her work, Tsunade started in on him as soon as the doors shut, "Your shirt is dirty."

"Cleanest I had." He responded instantly.

"Your not doing your laundry regularly, are you?"

"Nope."

"How is your food supply?"

"Supply?"

She stopped her work momentarily to gaze up at him. Sighing in an exasperated way, she stopped her writing and slouched down in her chair. "What the hell am I going to do with you Kakashi?"

Without missing a beat, he responded "Nothing for the next six days, I suppose." He could only grin as she gave him an agitated glare.

"Don't be a smart ass."

Dragging herself up, she stared at him in contemplation before speaking "Your going to get grocery's today, and if I find out you have not (and believe me I will) you will be accompanied by someone to assist you in shopping. Am I clear?"

Crossing his arms, he responded with slight disbelief "Your serious?"

The false, sweet smile she gave him was tainted with annoyance. "I can't have my _wittle_ Kakashi going hungry when he has important things to do, now can I?" her voice was low and dangerous, meaning she was getting fed up with him.

He added mentally, 'In record time.'

With an exasperated sigh and an annoyed wave of the hand he crumbled to her command. It wasn't the first time he was forced to do something by her, and it most likely would not be the last. But as he was walking toward the doors that would lead him back to his road, he stopped momentarily to say something that had been on him mind ever since she returned.

"You still consider me a child, don't you?"

It was a cold and serious question, one that came from his true self. He loved Tsunade-sama, and in all honestly he considered her as his as a mother. But sometimes he found himself wishing he hadn't told her that much. Not because she took her role way too seriously, but because he had become use to being alone. Once she and Jiraiya left, he had no one who he could remotely consider as family.

And it had devastated him.

Being an orphan he spent the first great deal of his life alone, and so he cherished deeply what had grown between him, Yondaime, and Tsunade. Although he had been on a team, and had friends, there was just something about pretending to have actual parents that brought so much comfort to him. But sadly, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. And so he found himself alone once again, half abandoned, half lost. Being "special" as he had always been, found him forced into roles of power and responsibility that no one his age should be allowed to have. And having to cope with such things by himself caused him to…adapt as best he could.

As sad as that may sound to some, he found no problems with that way of life. It allowed him to do as he pleased, when he pleased. He may have not been conceited, but he had definitely become selfish.

Gods, when had he first thought of her as his mother? Thinking back he remembered being introduced to the legendary 'Three Sennin' by his late master, Yondaime. Over the course of time, before all three had disappeared from Konoha, he had gotten to know all of them quite well. Perhaps it was the fact that she had been the only dominant female figure in his life. One who always told him what to do, and how to do it, maybe that was why he saw her as a mother.

Regardless, he had a slip of the tongue, which told her how he felt before she left. It was after his Chuunin trial; while they were enjoying a typical walk she often called him to accompany her on when he slipped. He had been so exhausted, all his guards down, when she had asked him such a simple thing. "Make sure you get plenty of rest alright?" and just like that it came out.

"Yes mom."

He remembered so clearly the scene that unfolded after that. How they both came to a dead stop, his eyes wide at the realization of his mistake, hers wide in shock. She had quickly kneeled down, looking him in the eyes, asking him to repeat what he said. He must have looked like a trapped animal, he sure enough felt like one. Although he never repeated himself, Tsunade still swooped him up in her arms and hugged him tight. From then on they regarded their relationship as parent and child.

That's why it had hurt so much when she deserted Konoha all those years ago. And his hurt…pain, and feelings of betrayal had all that time to fester.

Looking over his shoulder he noticed Tsunade suddenly looking her age. She had come back, somewhat forced by Naruto and Jiraiya, and expected everything to be the same once she woke him up. One good deed to cover all the years she had been gone! He felt like turning and screaming "Sorry, that's not how it works!" but he knew she already understood.

He had things to do, and sitting around here reminiscing wasn't going to help get those jobs done. Walking toward the doors he hoped Tsunade would stay quiet, or yell at him. It was just easier to ignore a shout, or better yet nothing. But sadly she did speak, it was low and filled with so much pain and regret it nearly made him stop.

Nearly…

"I…I guess it was too much to hope for. Please forgive me Kakashi"

He kept walking, deciding it was best to just ignore her, ignore the tugging feeling in his chest to go and just hug her like he used to. Kakashi had expected her to yell, to mock the fact that he still acted like a child so he therefore must still be one. Never did he think she would cave in like that.

As he left he decided that he would just grab a bite to eat here and there, so he could skip getting groceries. Ah yes, he could not wait till she found out and sent someone to 'help' him. The masked man grinned deviously as his 'shopping' plan came to light. Someone's life was soon going to be a living hell.

Gods he hated detours.

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AN: All the chapters after this should be longer, I was just in a hurry to get this one out so I could focus on the next chapter of Make Yourself. The plot shall thicken in the next installment so stay tuned.


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